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Suicidal Tendencies

You have a pretty good idea what you're supposed to do now, but you concede that nothing on earth would compel you to do so. As you take a better look at the BOVINE ANAL PROBE, you notice that it's never been used, which is good because you wouldn't want to touch anything that's been up a cow's butt. You decide that, some way or another, you're going to use it to commit suicide. Your first attempt involves you attempting to stab yourself. You kind of figured this attempt would fail, and you weren't far off. Now you're left with a sore chest and no idea how this thing's going to aid you in offing yourself. You decide that you might be able to use the concept of blunt force trauma to your advantage. You hold your arm as far from your face as you can, and smack yourself in the head with the object. Though it was quite painful (and, you noticed that ironically enough the sound it made when it hit your head would, if expressed onomonopaedically, would be the same as the acronym for the product), you didn't do much more than give yourself a nasty headache. You decide that you're going to have to whack the bejeezus out of yourself to kill yourself with the BAP, and that's what you start doing. After about seven nice shots to the melon, your vision fades to black and you drop to the floor, unconscious. Almost as suddenly as you passed out, you find yourself once again conscious, in...


Written by Get Back Jack

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