The Responsible Thing to Do

Think of what a depressing turn it would be in your autobiography, were you to eat the candy bars. You always have wanted Clint Eastwood to play you in the film adaptation, and you can hardly imagine him being made up to look fatter than you are already. Besides, if your autobiography is going to have an emphasis on transformation scenes, you want them to be exciting, not discomforting.

"I'm back!" says the truck driver, luring you back to the present. "You don't want any candy bars? Oh, well. More for me!" Having said that, he eats a handful without even bothering to unwrap them.

Written by Joey Liverwurst (edited by phaedrus)

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