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A journey of a thousand miles ... would be easier than this.

With a grunt of surprise, you remain firmly rooted to the floorboards. You try again, straining with all your might ... and flop back onto your back as the leg straining to rise from beneath the hanging folds of your belly gives way beneath the immense pressure. Looking around, you notice you've moved almost an inch, but your heavy breathing and trembling muscles feel like you've run a marathon.

The whole time, Fred just sits there, grinning at you. Finally, as you catch enough breath for it, you half-heartedly snap, "H-en- ... enj- ... whoof. Enjoying the ... the show?"

"Not really", he returns with quiet equanimity. "Just watching you prove my point."

"Wh- ... <wheeze> ... what p- ... " But as your lungs labor to fill your body's demand for life-giving air, it suddenly makes sense. You look up at Fred, still gasping for breath, your mouth now open in amazement as well as exhaustion. "I ... I can't get up."

"Praise the Lord", Fred yells in a bad imitation of a televangelist, rolling his eyes to the ceiling, "he has seen the light! Of course you can't get up, bud. This is why I had to carry you the whole way home, remember?"

"But ... but if I can't get up", you sigh as your breathing rate begins to descend toward normal, "how am I supposed to exercise? How do I lose all this weight?"

"Seems to me", the heavily-muscled wolf replies, kneeling in front of your recumbent form, "you've got a couple of options there."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well", he begins, "on the one hand ... or paw, as the case may be ... you ate a lot of meat and fat out there. If you're really a rhino on the inside, you're mainly a vegetarian. Limit yourself to bulk greens and grains, you should lose the weight as fast as you put it on."

"Blech", you respond. "What's the other option?"

"Weeeell", he half-grins, "that's the hard one. If you really have to have a normal diet, I can feed you. But since you'll probably lose the weight even faster on my portions, you'll need to be really sure you're ready to work at losing the weight. You'll do as much exercise as you can, of course ... "

"How can I exercise?", you wail. "I can't even get up off the-"

"Exactly. Your first exercise is to get up off the floor. The only reason you're stuck", Fred shrugs, "is because you've put on so much weight so fast. Your legs just aren't ready for such a wide load. You could probably even go on eating the way you've been doing, if you pace yourself so your body can keep up. You wouldn't lose weight, of course ... "

"But won't this take months?"

"Did it take months to begin with?", he snaps sarcastically. "Whatever made us half-animal freaks, these bodies react fast to whatever they're hit with. Make your choice now, you can be up and around by morning. Unless you'd like me to call the nearest sideshow ... "


Written by Wanderer

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