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Too lazy...

"That's it!" you announce. "I'm gonna lose all this weight, get out of this house, and see the world!"

With a newfound initiative and a bright prospect, you pull yourself out of the pool...

...and find yourself sitting in front of the TV, belly drooping between your legs. Sure, you'll get out and loose weight and see the world, but some other time. A commercial comes on and you go and get some more pie.

This goes on for a long time. Every day you laze around, thinking about how some day you'll be thin and out seeing the world, as you sit in front of your television or in the pool, eating. Each day you eat a little bit more, as you realize more and more each day how accessable the food is here.

Days of waiting to break free turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and eventually you find that a whole year has gone by. Of course, you'll be thin soon. Right?

Well, the past year seems to suggest otherwise. You aren't any thinner than you were a year ago. In fact, your food intake has increased greatly over the year. There was once a time when being able to eat four or five pies in an hour was considered a good meal. That's just a snack at this point. You find yourself in a steady stream of eating, keeping your intake consistent whether you were watching TV, lounging in the pool, or chatting on the internet (using a keyboard with extra-large buttons, of course). The "five chocolate pie" snack quickly went to six, seven, nine, thirteen... eventually, you were stacking pies on top of eachother and eating them, following the fifteen or so that you quickly downed with a pitcher of milk, which was followed by a steak or four or five, which was followed by a dozen or so hamburgers, etcetera.

So as the new day arives, you roll out of bed and into a (rather tight fitting) bathing suit. On the way out, you're greeted by a large helping of bacon on the kitchen table, already prepared for you. You grab the bowl and waddle out towards the pool, your large belly rhythmically swaying back and forth just above your shins. You put down the bowl and put your floating chair into this pool (this is actually an industrial sized raft-- but it suits your purposes better as a chair), manuver yourself towards the edge of the pool, grab the large bowl of bacon, and place it on your belly. You never wait 45 minutes before eating to swim. After downing the bowl (it was a light breafast, really), you bail from the raft and let yourself float on the surface of the water. Your stomach spreads itself across the water, making you look like a giant floating beachball (with arms, legs [well, maybe more like feet], and a rather hippo-ish face, of course. You flip over and tread some water, bobbing up and down. Your fat frame wobbles gently and smoothly, being suspended by the buoyancy of the water. Fat floats, you know ;D

So, per usual, you drag yourself out of the pool when your done, dry off, and plop in front of the TV-- armed with plenty to eat, of course. Yup. I'm gonna lose weight, and I'm gonna see the world! you think to yourself, as you down half of a cheesecake in one bite.

Seriously, though. Are you gonna lose all of that flab or not? What's going to become of you?


Written by eorpheus

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