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Bang Bang Bang

Guido falls, bullet wounds smoking from his torso. Dr. Lengths combs his handsome moustaches and begins to tell you a lovely story:

'Imagine you grow an orange tree. After fifteen months, your tree has 523 branches and 192,610 oranges on it. It is looked at by people who like looking at orange trees. Then along comes Mr Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin, the enormously powerful and successful orange thief, and he steals your orange tree. Cleverly removing the sign you'd put on the tree pointing out it was yours, Mr Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin plants the tree in his own garden and charges admission to see it.

You spring into action, informing the tree police, but because they're drunk or something they tell you that you must give Mr Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin every possible conceivable chance to think about offering to make amends. This takes him nine months, at the end of which Mr Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin offers to kick your head in. It seems your tree was asking for it, that the oranges aren't worth anything, and anyway, no one cares and Mr Fat Big Stupid Big Fat Fatty Stupid O'Cretin is too busy stunning giraffes with space rocks to bother with anyone who isn't famous.'

He laughs sinisterly and brandishes a fencing sword, You rip a sword off the wall and duel him in battle

'EN GARDE'


Written by King Flunchalot

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