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Who are you?

'I'm sorry,' Fred replies. 'But just who are you?' 'You're real?' you ask. 'Of course I'm real! Now tell me who you are.' 'Is your name actually Fred?' 'Yes, and how do you know that?' 'We've met already' 'I think I'd remember meeting a walking tonne of hippo blubber.' You feel slightly hurt by this crack about your new weight problem but continue on regardless. 'Do you remember getting turned into a wolf by your door?' 'Yeah, that was about nine months ago.' 'Nine months. It hasn't been that long.' 'What hasn't.' 'When you got turned into a wolf and I got turned into a weasel.' 'But you weren't real. Your real name was Raffles, and that was just a dream.' Fred exclaims, while attempting to slowly reverse up the stairs. 'We must have both had a similar dream where the other was Raffles and we got transformed.' Feeling satisfied with this explanation, you ask 'So, what happened to you since then?' 'As I say, I woke up, thought that it had all been a dream and ended up being turned into a wolf again. Then the guys here found me and brought me to the building for on-site acclimatisation.' 'What's that?' you ask. Fred opens his mouth to speak, but instead of words, he just releases a loud belch born deep in the bowels of that gurgling mass of belly. 'As you can see, I've put on a bit of weight. That's because I'm being acclimatised to a more sedantry lifestyle.' 'Why?' 'Don't know, I just know that this lot came to find me at my house just after I turned into this wolf form and started getting bigger. Then they offered me all the food I could ever want and comfortable lodging for as long as I live. I took the offer and haven't left here since.' 'Do you enjoy that?' you are taken aback, you can't imagine anyone wanting to be stuck in the same place for nine-ish months. 'Yeah, the food is great, I think that I get to taste test for some food manufacturer.' You hear some more deep rumbling noises and Fred releases another belch. 'In fact,' he continues. 'I'm feeling a bit peckish. So, if you'd like to come down with me we can get some food.' You realise that you don't really have a choice as Fred can't return up the stairs, and you'd have to get round him, which looks incredibly difficult for a pachyderm of your girth. 'So where are we going?' you ask.

Written by Nitrogib

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