On the Couch

"So, Doc, I have this identity crisis."

"Go on."

"I'm yellow and rubbery, and I make noise when somebody squeezes me."

"That's actually rather common."

"Yeah, but then I get these cravings for cookies at irregular times."

"Have you noticed anything else?"

"Nothing that comes to mind."

"No blue fur or googly eyes?"

"Nope."

"I see. This is not difficult at all. You just have to decide whether to accept your life as a rubber duck or to continue having these unhealthful fantasies in which you are a monster under the control of puppeteers."

"How long do I have to think it over?"

"However long you need. But until you resolve the matter, you are doomed to have nightmares, as well as crumbs in bed from time to time."

Written by Joey Liverwurst

Doc? Are you feeling okay?

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