Forgetting to Exhale

Maybe, just maybe, you can escape from the doorway by sucking in your immense belly. With no time to waste, you instinctively take a deep breath, even as a tiny voice in your head shrieks, "No! Don't breathe in! Breathe out! Exhale, exhale!"

Too late. Your girth swells dramatically, and the doorway cracks apart around you like so many toothpicks. Oh, well, at least you're not stuck any more.

As you try to decide between hiding in the bedroom or in the living room, there is a furious knock at the front door. "Hey!" calls an irritating voice. "What the hell are you doing in there?!" Oh, wonderful. It's your landlord. "Open this door!" he continues. "Open this door right now, or I'm coming in!"

As you hear the landlord shove his key into the lock and watch the front door swing open, you remember reading somewhere that hippos kill more humans in Africa than any other wild animal.

Written by Funny Animal (edited by phaedrus)

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