Let's make HIM sweat!

"Not again", you moan pseudo-sympathetically. "I'm sorry", you sigh to him as you clamber up from the floor, "I really thought it was in remission this time."

"Wha-... you mean you did this!? You!?" The tiger stumbles backward, his gait made awkward by the flab that's now lifting his muscle shirt completely away from his shorts. "Wh-wh-what's happening to me?"

"It's all right", you soothe, successfully stifling the wicked grin that threatens to bubble up. "It's just... well, I didn't want to worry anyone. People always get so nervous when they find out I've got a chronic disease, and it really hardly ever does this..."

"Wait, wait", the tiger stammers. "Back up. This is a disease?"

"Well, yeah", you answer, cocking your head. "Some mutation of, er..." Your knowledge falters, then comes back strong. "The obesity virus, you see. I'm supposed to be, um, heading to some new lab they're building, so they can treat me... I'm really sorry", you throw in, hoping to cover the plot holes with your own false sympathy. "I really didn't think you'd wind up like me."

"L-like... ?"

"They really didn't think I was contagious any more, honest! But I guess when I started using some of the fat cells the virus lives in, it, um, sorta got out." You muster a grin you hope doesn't look too vindictive. "Boy, it's a good thing you brought me down here for my exercises!"

"I-I'm... I'm going to..." The tiger is still stammering, looking wild-eyed at your immense gut as his own reaches the size of a medicine ball.

"Hey, it's okay", you smile, still trying not to look as overjoyed as you feel by the opportunity to pay back some of the agony he's been putting you through. "I'm just glad that it's someone as noble and selfless as you are that got this. I was so lonely... but now that you've got the same problem, we can be friends forever... no matter how fat we get!"

The tiger gulps as you put your massive arm around him. This is the moment of truth, you figure. Either he'll run screaming, or he won't. "Just two big guys together!"

With that, the tiger...

Written by Wanderer

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