Somethin for your noggin

You're surprised to find a hat underneath a large singlet, and pick it up for a closer look. The thing seems adjustable, and is made of some sort of grey fabric - all in all, your average everyday hat. You walk to the mirror and put it on, and find that it actually looks pretty good on you! Deciding to leave it on for now, you go back to searching the pile.

After a bit of time, you step back and take a look at your handiwork. You weren't able to find anything particularly interesting in the pile - mostly singlets and shirts, with the occasional jacket or pair of pants - but you were able to sort the outfits according to size. Seems all of them are at least XL - either the owner was a really big guy, or whoever stocked this place had no idea what size most people are. Sighing, you stretch and scratch your chest, then go to sit on the bed when there's a loud *rip* from beneath you. Leaping up, you realise that your gut has torn through your shirt, leaving the garment in tatters and your hairy beer-belly exposed to the elements. You tear of the remaining rags with a grunt, then head to the pile to find a new shirt. Grabbing an XL (last you checked, you were an M), you try to pull it on, but quickly realise it's not gonna happen - the shirt's just too small!

"Wait," you mutter, "that can't be right..."

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