Life in the Fat Lane

You just can't let the neighbors see you this way: huge, fat, and nude. You feel the bathtub pressing against your side as your body continues to expand. Frantic, you squeeze out of the bathroom just in time to prevent your widening hips from cracking the door frame. Waddling down the hall past a full-length mirror, you stop to take a good look at yourself, a simply magnificent specimen of hippopotamus amphibius. "Good lord!" you think. "How much bigger am I going to get?"

With nowhere else to go, you park your truck-sized body in the middle of your apartment, demolishing your five-piece dining room set in the process. An unexpected calm falls over you. You sense that your transformation is complete. Despite the fact that you now weigh several tons, you can move about with surprising ease. For the time being, however, you are content to stand still and think things over.

Then you hear it: the unmistakeable sound of support beams creaking ominously beneath you.

Written by Funny Animal (edited by phaedrus)

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