Forced physical fitness.

"So yer the one rocking the boat", says an extremely large black and orange tiger. He is roped in as much muscle as you are in fat. Well, maybe a little less. You gape for a second before stammering, "What?"

"Look at the boat," he says. You glace to the sides, trying to see what he means. "Notice anything?" Unfortunately, you do. The boat is tipped quite noticeably to one side... the side you're on. "Um... sorry," you say, "there's not much I can do about it."

"Like hell there isn't," he says, and grabs you by the ear. Judging by your ability to carry your own weight almost effortessly, you'd say you're actually stronger than the tiger, because he has trouble leading your immense mass... though twisting your ear is a great way to get you to comply. He leads you through the bowels of the ship, and you can feel the ship's movement as your weight is moved to a different balance point. After shoving you rather uncomfortably through a few doorways you wouldn't think of attempting at this size, you arrive in what appears to be a gym. "All right, Mr. Big Bad Wolf, time for you to get in shape."

"What?" you say. "You are dangerously overweight... you're gonna sweat off the pounds." "You can't just force me to work out," you retort, "I'm on vacation." The Tiger whips out an official-looking badge. "Actually I can; I'm a health official, giving me the right and authority to maintain and promote the good health of others with or without their co-operation." You can only gape.

"Now, we'll start with simple pushups, a few jumping jacks, some pull-ups, and a jog around the ship. Then you can have a salad for lunch, and we can start on phase two," says the tiger, checking off his list. You are on the ground, trying to push yourself upwards, but failing miserably due to your huge belly, which insists upon spreading over as much floor as possible. "How long are you going to keep me like this?" you gasp out as you start doing some jumping jacks, which you swear are putting dents in the floor. "We should have you down to a healthy weight in, oh, say, about a year." "WHAT?!?!?" you yell, "I CAN'T DO THAT!" "You can and will, and I'll explain everything to any associates of yours. All you need to do is lose weight." "But I can't! I have to get to..." But the tiger isn't listening, instead putting some headphones on and starting his own set of pushups, which he does casually with one arm. If you can't escape this health freak, you're gonna miss the deadline. Plus, you don't think you can lose weight, seeing as you were changed by magic; the leprachaun probably took precautions against losing weight. What are you gonna do?

Written by an anonymous author (edited by wanderer)

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